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Green Tomato Relish – Another Garden Metaphor
Yesterday, I enjoyed a nice chicken salad on crackers, made especially tasty by stirring in a healthy amount of green tomato relish. The day before, I savored nachos, topped with zingy green tomato salsa. Tonight, I’ll slice and fry the last green tomato to serve beside dinner.
Sometime about the end of August, our abundant tomato crop was hit with the first freeze. We weren’t sure then whether we’d get any mature tomatoes or not. In the best Frugal Yankee tradition, I began looking for recipes for green tomatoes.
Relish, Salsa, Fried Green Tomatoes, Pickles, Casseroles, etc. Who knew there were so many uses for unripe garden fruits?
Every single one required two things from me:
1. Additional ingredients. Sometimes they were things I did not have on hand – I had to get them specifically if I wanted to utillize the abundant crop of green tomatoes.
2. Effort and specific types of work. What I did with them made all the difference.
You can see where I’m going with this…
We didn’t plant the garden and say, “Oh! I hope we get a LOT of green tomatoes, I’m just so looking forward to having to make-do!” We had big dreams when we planted 40 tomato plants. We wanted sauced, diced, and ketchuped tomatoes!
That first freeze didn’t kill our hopes. In fact, after that first freeze, which only killed the tops of the tomatoes, we gathered a small amount of red tomatoes – enough to make a weeny batch of ketchup. A few more tomatoes ripened indoors after a hard killing frost in September.
But we had more greens than reds, and we had to do something with them. In order to use them, we had to add the right ingredients, and if we didn’t have them, we had to go buy them. One or two were things I’d not need for anything else – I had to get them specifically to make use of those green tomatoes. And I had to do the right things with them, to make them into something good, otherwise they’d just be yucky green tomatoes.
Life, family, and business all do that to us. We plan our plans, and start to carry them out, and along comes a disaster that blights our hopes and kills the plans. What do we do then?
Do we cry that we didn’t get our juicy red tomatoes? Do we look at the distruction of our plants and at all those sad green tomatoes and see nothing but disaster? Or do we go seek out recipes for green tomatoes, and then add the necessary additional elements to turn them into something unexpected, but every bit as tasty and useful as what we had originally planned?
Sure, I still wish I had been able to harvest a bounty of red, ripe tomatoes. But since life handed me green tomatoes, I’m just thankful that there was something good I could do with them to turn it into a blessing of a different kind.
Business and Friendship
A friend and client was talking to me on the phone today. She said, “All of my business seems to be coming from friends. That isn’t how I wanted it. It seems so much more difficult!” She said that it was harder to bill them, and to keep the business side of things businesslike, because her desire to give to her friends was interfering.
When you have a business, and choose to grow that business through networking, virtually every client will be a friend. They do business with you BECAUSE you are a friend. I don’t mean your existing friends or family will come to you for business, they rarely do. But people who have known you always as a business person, will come to trust you because of friendship, and wish to do business with you.
It is OK to charge your friends for work! They come to you usually expecting to pay. If you hum and haw around, you just keep things uncomfortable for them. You can say outright, to friends, or even family, “I can do this much free. After that, the cost to you will be this.”
That is a good thing for both of you. Most of them want to know! If it is something you cannot give, you MUST say so. If it is something you WANT to give, say that too. “I’d be happy to do that for you without charge, because you are a friend, and I can afford to do that this time.”
They didn’t come to you because they wanted a freebie – well once in a while, but usually they needed to do business with someone, they expected to pay, and they chose YOU. They want to pay a fair price. They trust you to give them that. Do so, and you have given them something they were having a hard time finding elsewhere.
Give them the same consideration that you’d give any client – use a contract, spell out the terms, be firm and detailed about costs and limitations. Never think that since it is a friend that you don’t need a contract, or that you can do business more casually. That isn’t why they came to you! And leaving out the details will cause a breach that a good contract won’t risk.
The desire to give is great. In business, we choose when we can afford to, and when we cannot. When we can’t we say so, and confine the giving to giving great service and value for what we charge for. That’s how you grow a business with the best of everything.
It is only when we DON’T say, and when we DON’T put things in writing, or observe professionalism with friends, that we get into trouble.
Friendship and business can co-exist very well together!
It Wasn’t Just a Haircut
I intended to have a hairdresser friend help me cut my hair. I intended to have her help me to create a little more stylish look. I mean, I know my usual cut looks good and flatters me, but it isn’t really a STYLE, it is more just THERE.
I have a photo session coming up for business photos. I wanted to look good. I played around with my hair, looked at samples of hairstyles, and finally settled on a possibility.
Then the email came…
Could I come in on Monday for filming a short interview for a promo film for one of the statewide Women’s Business organizations? My hair was getting bushy, I’d not want to have it permanently recorded that way! I’d have to fit in a haircut on Saturday. No choice if I wanted to not be itchy on Monday.
I decided to see if I could get the look I wanted by cutting the front myself. It was partially successful, but still needed some trimming where I could not reach. Time was tight on Saturday. So I decided to have my daughter help me, after I cut all of it that I could reach. She had been learning to cut hair, and practicing on her sister’s bangs. It was time she learned to do layered anyway.
I cut around except the center of the back. She watched, as I explained how to use the parts already cut to measure where to cut the other parts, how to hold the hair, etc. I handed her the scissors, and she went to it.
It isn’t bad. It is ok. But it is much shorter than I wanted. It looks good, but it isn’t the look I wanted. I’m not at all upset about it, after all, too short never bothers me, because hair grows. Mine grows fast, and I dislike getting haircuts, so I like it a bit too short to begin with anyway – two weeks later it will be perfect even if it is too short when it is cut. I’ll look professional and good for the filming on Monday, and for the photos in two weeks, so I can live with the results and like it.
I let her try because it isn’t just a haircut. It is training, and capability for her. It is trust, and it is a lesson in learning. Even when you don’t do it perfectly on the first try, that is ok. Better that you tried, and learned, so that you CAN achieve perfection some day.
Hair that is too short for two weeks is a small price to pay for that, even when it is an important haircut.
Optimism, Pessimism, and Realism in Economic Change
Hints of change bring them all out. First the pessimists who want to see it as all bad. Then the optimists who want to ignore all negativity. And last, the realists who balance the facts and determine what is best to do no matter what.
Pessimists come in two types:
- Those who delight in the bad. They rub their hands in glee, exaggerate the negative, and find delight in the misery and hardship of others. These are the ambulance chasers, and the gossips.
- Those who want to wallow in despair. They believe themselves incapable of happiness, and each negative thing around them serves to increase their conviction that life sucks. Good things are ignored, or not even recognized. Every hope is an illusion, every light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train, and if events prove otherwise, they are certain there is some trick to it, or that it will not last.
Either type of pessimist poisons the world around them, drip by drip of acid from their negativity.
Optimists also come in two types:
- The unrealistic people who state over and over that if you just believe that nothing bad will happen, then nothing bad will happen. Problem is, bad things DO happen whether you think they will or not.
- Those who tell themselves over and over that nothing bad is going to happen, because deep down inside, they fear that if it did, they could not handle it. Blocking out potential negatives is the only way they can cope, because they do not have the self confidence to believe they can succeed in spite of challenge.
Optimism can be just another form of pessimism. It just wears a different mask, but it is really just hiding the same face of low self confidence.
Realism is the balance between the extremes. Yet realists are accused of pessimism by those who call themselves optimists. Rather silly, because realists are, at heart, optimists – the difference is, they DO have the self esteem to believe that they can succeed in spite of opposition. If the worst happens, they know they can handle it.
The realist looks at the facts. They consider whether there is validity in all the circumstances. When faced with potential challenges, they do not stand around wringing their hands about it, and they do not gossip and blow things up to be worse than they are. Nor do they minimize or dismiss legitimate concerns.
Rather, they weigh the evidence, and act accordingly. If it is likely that challenges are coming, they develop a plan of what they will do if it happens. They don’t lose a lot of sleep over it, and they are not scared of negative things, because they have considered the potentials and they have prepared.
Realists are willing to face potential negative situations, because they know they are capable of surviving, and thriving, no matter what. They see both the good and the bad. The good is acknowledged with gratitude, the bad is faced and dealt with heat on.
Change IS happening. Much of it is not good. It is not likely to get better any time soon. But that is ok, because I am prepared, and I am confident that I can succeed even in the face of economic hardship. I have a plan for my business that will allow it to go forward regardless. I have a plan for my life that will make me better situated to cope with it. I am not afraid to face challenge head on, because I know I can cope, even if bad things do happen.
I can be happy even if I don’t get what I want.
Trying for Three Days
I’ve been trying to come up with a topic for three days now, but I’ve been so busy that it has been difficult to even think outside of what I have had to do. In that time, I’ve come to some conclusions, because of events around me.
First, I’ll never willingly choose to work with X-Cart if there is any other option. It goes onto our “do not touch” list, along with OSCommerce, CubeCart, and several others. It rates for it’s complexity, and lack of flexibility. The templating is a nightmare, outdated, clunky, and inflexible. I managed to carry off a site design to be proud of, but it still isn’t what it should have been. I will not pay for a cart that is not even close to the quality of free Open Source options, and whose support is extremely inconvenient to access – no better than that available for Open Source, and in many ways worse.
Second, there is a line that I will not cross. As one of our clients flirts with it, it reiterates my reasons for not wanting to ever promote sites that exceed the limits of my moral principles. There is always a consequence for it. One that I am not willing to court.
Third, I cannot do everything. We’ve consolidated our business again, preferring to give up the less profitable aspects rather than trying to grow in a clumsy way. By refining our services, we can do more, in less time, and profit more. Static HTML sites are not the only thing we’ve given up. We have three other businesses that we are now referring several types of work to. It keeps us focused.
Fourth, the reputation you inspire in others is of more value than anything you say. When other people say it, it has more credibility. Of course, I know this. It has just really been apparent the power this has, in the last several weeks, as we have received calls and contacts that we have not had to hunt, from people who come to us pre-sold. What a blessing!
Fifth… Faith can be tested in ways we do not expect. We never know what the true gifts are in our life until it is. I finally feel like the last bits of healing are taking place since Sidney died. My spirit feels whole again, though not terribly strong yet. It seems to be healing along with my body, which is getting better month by month as Crohn’s Disease has less and less influence on me.
One of those busy times, full of lessons, full of happenings, but much of it not fit for sharing. Too personal, too mundane, but not at all worthless.
I Talk About It
Three and a half years ago, my daughter died. I held her in my arms just moments after giving birth to her, and watched her draw her last infrequent breaths, utterly unable to help her to breathe. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. It isn’t the hardest thing I COULD have to deal with, but in that delivery room, I lived one of my nightmares.
It wasn’t all bad. I learned a lot from that little girl. The pregnancy taught me things that I didn’t know I could learn. And Sidney, herself, was a delight. Her personality was like pure sunshine, filtering throught the leaves on the trees. Warm, dappled and dancing, never harsh, a golden light that radiated over everything. To lose THAT… Bitter indeed. To have enjoyed it, a gift beyond description.
There were the precious moments during the pregnancy, and a lot of laughter in between the heartache of knowing she would probably not stay long. Even in the delivery room, when we knew that we were moments away from the critical seconds that would determine the rest of her life, there was laughter, and peace. And love toward my little girl.
So much good. This child is woven into who I am. She was, and still is, part of my life.
Other people are uncomfortable speaking of her. I think they just focus on the horror of facing THEIR nightmare. They do not know how they could possibly handle it. They fear that maybe I’ll break down in tears if I speak of her, or something else, I know not what. But I speak of her anyway.
I talk of the pregancy when it is the natural thing to speak of. I mention her life, and death, as a reference point, because it certainly was that! I remember out loud the gifts she gave us – things we still refer to today as “Sidney Blessings”. The antelope that didn’t taste bad (that HAD to be a miracle!). The recliner that fit me perfectly that happened to be on sale right when I needed it. The improvements to my health that came about because of her.
I speak of her in spite of the tendency people have to look away when I do. I feel that if I keep speaking of her, naturally, perhaps one day they won’t feel compelled to look away. Maybe they’ll accept that it is ok to remember good things, and it is ok to talk about hard things. I’m sure they don’t mean to shut off that avenue to remembering and to healing. They do it because they have not yet learned that they can do otherwise, and that it is ok.
I miss my daughter. But the absence of her is no longer the raw wound that it once was. I remember her more with a smile than with tears. I am, who I am, in family, business, and life, largely because of that tiny child who danced in and out of our life so quickly. I will keep speaking of her, and I will not apologize.
Sunday Musings
If you are not a spiritual person, pass this post by, because Sundays are my day to focus on the Lord.
I believe in some spiritual principals where business is concerned. I’ve seen them actually work to increase our income, and to better our life in other ways. One of those is keeping the Sabbath Day Holy, which means avoiding business on Sunday.
- If I check business email on Sundays, my business provably does worse the following week than if I do not.
- If I think about business on Sundays, or do planning, business sinks rather than soaring.
- If I get Sundays right, the whole rest of the week is more successful.
I’ve proven this in dollars and cents. But that isn’t the only reason I try to avoid business on Sunday. I also do many other thinks to keep the Sabbath:
- We go to church. That is just what we do on Sundays.
- We spend time together as a family – often just talking, sometimes baking cookies or pizza (whole grain, of course!).
- We try to find ways to help other people.
- We restrict TV or movie viewing to “Sunday appropriate” viewing. We have a special shelf of videos that are just for Sundays, which include scripture and talk videos, but also some religious based stories.
- We don’t garden (except watering which has to be done), we avoid complex cooking or housecleaning (except what must be done), and we may take a walk together but we don’t go “play” on Sundays, nor work outside.
- The only business related work we do is emergency – if a site is down, or something disastrous happened, we take care of it, otherwise not. Our clients are told that if they email us on Sunday, we’ll not answer until Monday unless they put “Urgent” or “Emergency” in the subject of the email. If someone calls on Sunday, we are polite about it, and take the call, answer their questions, and then get back to them on Monday if it works for their schedule.
To me, this is one of the great “Success Tools” that the Lord blesses us with though. We just trust Him for the day, and let the rest go, and things work out better for the other six days. It is an absolutely usable tool – I do this, He does that, so if I want that, I do this.
I often spend a lot of time on Sunday trying to control my thoughts though, saying quick prayers, when an idea comes into my head, “Help me remember this later!” I always do!
I’m actually writing this on Friday, because I don’t want the distraction on Sunday, but at the same time, I want to make sure my post doesn’t distract anyone else who is trying, either.
Life Begins With Just One Thing
It is the key to getting out of under a mire of dreaded tasks. It is the trick to crawl out from under too much to do. It is the antidote to panic, and the retort to confusion.
Just one thing. Just do the next thing, the hard thing, the most important thing. Dive in and do.
When faced with a pile of yucky tasks (why do we always let them pile up?), just do one. If you do one a day, they evaporate rather rapidly, and the list is usually only long because we’ve procrastinated for weeks!
When life overwhelms you with more things to do in the day than you can possibly do, then select the most important thing, and get it done, then select the next most important. By the end of the day, it may not all be done, but you know the critical stuff has been taken care of.
I’ve talked to many business owners and moms who have felt like that. I’ve counseled them to select the most important task, and get it done, then select again. Many have come back later to say they DID get it all done after all, just by getting rid of the paralysis and doubt and doing it. Sometimes we also need to relieve ourselves of the burden of never measuring up, in order to achieve more than we know we can. Just focusing on the task at hand, which we know we CAN do, lets us move forward without worrying about the other stuff that doesn’t matter while we are doing THIS.
We can only really do one thing at a time anyway. So all that other stuff doesn’t matter until the time comes to do it, at which time it becomes the center of our focus and efforts. One shovelful at a time, you can move a mountain, but only if you focus on hefting each load, and not on the size of the mountain.
Just do what comes next.
Friends and Family, and Becoming the Business
You finally decided what you want to do, and you are all excited about it. You tell your family, and they may get excited at first, or not, but even if they do, they seem to forget all about it right away. You rarely get an enthusiastic or supportive response from them unless one of them is going in with you on it.
This is puzzling to people, they don’t understand why the people who ought to believe in them don’t. And it isn’t that at all – they are just waiting to see if it is really important to you, and if you are really going to do it.
I’ve been a web designer for more than 8 years, and yet it has only been in the last few years that I can talk about “my business” to some family members and have them even remember what it is that I do! Some friends have been the same way – waiting to see if I AM the business, before they believe that I HAVE a business.
To get them to take you seriously, you have to get over the hump and take yourself seriously! Business owners reach a point that I call “being the business”. When the business becomes part of who they are, not just something they are trying on for size. It weaves into their life, they carry business cards anywhere, they think about business on and off through everything, in the same way they do their kids, house, car, garden, etc. It is just part of the whole person, instead of something they turn on and off.
When you get to that point, your friends and family KNOW you have a business, because it is there in front of them all the time. They come to visit and you are working and sometimes you can take time off, sometimes you have a deadline, and they have to wait. They call, and you have only a little time before you have to get back to work. They see your car, and it is branded with your business. They go somewhere with you and see you in conversation with a prospect. They attend the local fair and see you at your booth. It takes all those repetitions of things they see as being “serious” before they believe YOU are serious.
So first, BE serious about it, long term. Then the acknowledgment, and eventually, the support will come.
Paying for Experience Instead of Family
Some stores sell goods. Some sell services. Starbucks sells an “experience”.
Ok, when did we get so deprived of real experiences that a cup of coffee is considered a thrill? And when did we get to where we are willing to pay for new “experiences” all the while crying that we cannot afford children?
I submit that people who have larger families do not need such experiences. When you have a bunch of kids who depend on you, you work harder. You see and experience things you cannot imagine you’d enjoy if you look at them from the outside. You learn things about yourself that you’d never imagine were there TO learn. And you find more in yourself than you’d ever find bungie jumping.
Parenting takes patience, time, courage, wisdom, and perseverance. No travel tour can substitute for that.
It is sad to me that people are running around looking for “fulfillment”, and “life”, and “meaning”, all the while running away from marriage and family. It is a catch-22. The further you run, the more you feel you have to get away. Conversely, the more you immerse yourself in the good of it, the less you feel like you need to be elsewhere.
It takes courage to admit to your teen that you made a mistake. It is exhilarating watching a baby laugh for the first time, or take their first steps. It is oh, so fulfilling when a child stops in their day to hug you just because you are Mom. And love, after 25 years of marriage, is even better than it is at 20… if you let it be! There is the challenge of teaching a kid to drive, and the triumph of helping them overcome a particularly difficult obstacle.
Ain’t nuthin’ that can compare to this.
Walking Away from Fragmentation
My imagination is so fertile, I have to reign myself in all the time. I run the risk of fragmentation on a perpetual basis! If I cut a bunch of things out so life seems more manageable, something seems to compel me to fill it up again.
But one thing I can absolutely recognize is fragmentation in other business owners lives! I think it may always be easier to see that in someone else than in ourselves.
One key is to fill a void – and I don’t mean that in the way it sounds! What I mean is we often consolidate, and declutter our lives, and then neglect to fill the time we just cleared with the stuff we intended to fill it with. We say we are so busy, we have so many things to do, we have to cut back. So we cut back, and instead of taking more time on the things we thought we needed more time for, we feel instead that we can just plop something else in its place!
Part of that is because sometimes we do some of the things we do for the purpose of procrastination, not accomplishment. I’d rather take on a new class, and complain that I have no time to meet both the needs of the clients and the need to prepare the curriculum, than to just focus on doing the yucky part of taking care of the jobs I already have. Not that those classes are a bad thing! They are great! But I’d rather prep curriculum than have to recode a template or troubleshoot a recalcitrant shopping cart any day!
I don’t know that the struggle to keep my tasks manageable will ever be easier. I do know that I learn as I go, and that the process of prioritizing is always a challenge – but that life is also incredibly rich and fulfilling. Feeling overwhelmed now and again seems a small price to pay!
Life’s Little Luxuries No More
When both parents work from home, reality changes. Some things get quite a bit harder. Little things that we took for granted are no longer possible.
- When we want to take time off, there is no vacation pay. If we get sick, there is no sick pay. We can’t take time off unless we are caught up, and financially ahead.
- Home is no longer the place where you do not have to worry about work. Work is part of every moment, there, filtering its way through your day.
- Hobbies have to be replaced with work tasks. There isn’t time to paint, or read very much for recreation, or to watch movies, or indulge in other time wasters. Those pastimes have to give way to paying endeavors. A lot of those are fun, so it isn’t pure drudgery, but we still have to choose wisely.
Daily decisions are different. We have to choose for business and family, and somehow balance the two. Sometimes we can’t do things we’d like, because we are self-employed. Kevin cannot go to Scout Camp with Alex and Erik this year. There is no way we can afford for him to take a week off. With a deadline looming, I had to choose carefully before going to a women’s church luncheon today. It is just the reality of balancing live where the time you put in, or do NOT put in, affects your ability to meet payroll a week later.
It is easy to take some things for granted when you are employed by someone else. That equation changes when you are solely responsible for every bit you earn though.
It isn’t all bad. By making extraordinary sacrifices now, we are building something better. And the rewards are purely wonderful. I’d go into detail, only I don’t want my site to be banned by family friendly websites! In between all the work, there is good interaction with the family, and working with our clients is purely a joy.
Working from home IS a lot about what you give up. But it is equally about what you gain. Benefits that I’d not trade for anything!
Gardening doesn't have to be that hard! No matter where you live, no matter how difficult your circumstances, you CAN grow a successful garden.
Life from the Garden: Grow Your Own Food Anywhere Practical and low cost options for container gardening, sprouting, small yards, edible landscaping, winter gardening, shady yards, and help for people who are getting started too late. Plenty of tips to simplify, save on work and expense.
