No, this isn’t about constipation again.

This is about the infamous F-Bomb. That profane, useless really stupid thing that some people feel is appropriate to decorate every third word in their sentences. That often. I counted.

I work around people who do this. They play movies that I am subjected to, that do this. Not all the time, but often enough.

Really, people, it does not make you sound smart, or tough. It just makes you sound really stupid. As in, your IQ is not high enough to master the simplest elements of language.

Statistically, Webster says, the more you use profanity, the lower your IQ will test out at. Yeah, I dropped a participle, or something. Deal with it. (He says dropped participles are NOT an indication of low IQ, just an indication of verbal desperation.)

He says that people who use F-bombs rarely test out above an IQ of 100. AT ALL. Even ONE F-bomb. Smart people just don’t use it.

He says people who use F-bombs casually, or recreationally, average an IQ of 84. It was a good year. It is NOT a good IQ.

He goes on to say that people who liberally decorate their speech with F-bombs decline even further to an average IQ of 72.

Traditional IQ labels.

• Genius – 130-139
• Brilliant – 120-129
• Intelligent -110-119
• Average – 100 – (91-109) (average for the US, about 30% of the population)
• Simple – 90-81 (typically a D Student in the US)
• Slow – 80-71 (usually graduates from Special Ed)
• Dullard – 70-61 (very few are able to drive)
• Idiot – 60-51 (reading barely functional, often does not write)
• Moron – 50-41
• Dunce or Dolt – 40-31
• Vegetable – 30 and below

It is a word. It has a meaning. It is a meaning WE DO NOT USE, because it is the most degrading and lowering sort of word for the act it depicts.

It means “Brutal Sexual Encounter”.

So try this on for size.

“My Brutal Sexual Encounter car won’t start again. That Brutal Sexual Encounter mechanic Brutal Sexual Encountered up the job again.” (And we must then ask why they HIRED the mechanic again, after such an assault?)

Or how about this.

“Brutal Sexual Encounter you.”

Wow. How did this ever become a thing? Even with stupid people?

What we find is much more fun is to replace the word with another word.

Pickles works.

But this is October. Today is Halloween.

Let’s try Pumpkin!

“Pumpkin you!”

Sounds just as intelligent!

“My Pumpkin car won’t start again.” That made sense for my friend in high school. She drove a pumpkin orange VW bug. Really pumpkin orange, not Brutal Sexual Encounter orange.

Or maybe tomorrow (since it will be November), we should use Turkey.

I wonder what it will be in December?

Maybe Sleigh Bells? Or Figgy Pudding?