It was a peaceful afternoon, and Kevin was home from work because he only worked 4 days per week. So this was Friday.

We heard a BAM, and then a car revving, and then something flew past the window out on the sidewalk. We could see a car flying past, down the sidewalk, and then back onto the street where the curb apparently ripped out the under carriage and the car ground to a noisy stop.

It was a cute little sports car with a tall insane man inside.

He got out, and began an unstoppable stream of incomplete sentences.

“Woah! That was not supposed to happen I was just…” and he trailed off, took in a deep breath, and went on, “Those guys really had me in…”

He talks about how he was just driving, and then he fell asleep but only for a moment. How he just does not know who it was that pushed his car onto the sidewalk, or why he can’t start it now. He’s telling me that he is worried the cops won’t get it, some are the kind that just get mean about it, some are the kind that understand.

The way I have recounted this may make it appear that he was more comprehensible that he actually WAS. Nothing really hangs together, you have to PIECE it together.

He rambles about driving 300 miles non stop and nothing like this happened the whole trip until now, and how the aliens were there and he apparently does not like that. His sentences are still broken, slightly jumbled, and occur in fits and stops.

He is certain he did not do anything wrong. He is certain it did not just happen. Someone did it. He does not describe the aliens. We are disappointed.

He swerved at an angle onto the outer edge of the driveway of the post office, and the right wheel went onto the sidewalk, and the other was apparently caught by the curved curb at the far edge of the driveway. That made the car stop heading for the post office door (at an angle), and jerked it back toward the road, where the front left corner of his car slammed into the rear wheel of a Toyota Tacoma that was parked there (hence, the BAM) – shattered the truck wheel and tipped the whole thing inward. He then just continued to careen down the sidewalk.

It was a LITTLE car. It skidded the entire way down the sidewalk between the brick wall and the curb, and then between the fence and the curb. Our car was parked on the curb side in the street, and he missed it by a whisker. Clipped a bit of fence post out of the fence though. Amazingly, he even missed the post office mail box that sat on the sidewalk just one side of the driveway – and he SHOULD have hit that!

It was all spectacularly bizarre. A friend of mine owned the Tacoma, I went out to be sure she was ok, but nobody needed me after that, so I went back inside.

Checked back a little later, and he was still talking. Trying to find the right kind of police man no doubt, they were there by then. His car is un driveable, and he’s mad about that, because he was going to keep right on driving, but the curb ripped out the under side of the car, and it won’t go anywhere now. I kinda wonder how he kept it so straight on the sidewalk, or what kind of race track he thought he was on when he was there. WHEEEEEE!

I don’t know what he was on, I don’t live that kind of life. I don’t know how many of those 300 miles he flew in, and how many he just tried to drive.

I do know we did not see the aliens. They apparently did their dirty work and took off before they could be fingered.

On the other hand, took my friend many months before she could laugh about it. She is the one who had the trouble of cleaning up half the mess he made. The aliens did not offer to help her either.

Bush Honeysuckle, they cry, MUST be eradicated! It is harmful, they say.

First, they tell you it is not native. Balderdash. It is native. It is recounted in histories and botanical references more than a thousand years ago, and listed as EVERYWHERE in the US that the climate is suitable, and grows into Canada, and some places in Mexico. Whatever history you are reading about someone discovering America, IT WAS HERE WHEN THEY GOT THERE.

Native Americans used it as a medicine, it is used the same as chokecherry, elm, and oak leaf.  They called in Honeysuckle Bush, and it is called Roberra, Lee Cho, and Fro Mose in three different Native American languages. I don’t speak them, but a man who does speak all three tells me this, and I have cause to believe he knows.

They’ll tell you it DAMAGES the understory. That it shades out other plants that will grow there, that it leaches toxins into the soil (they say this about everything they hate, even when it is not true), and that it changes the wildlife. Worst of all, deer eat the leaves and the deer them change the ecosystem! Horrors!

They go on to say that it out-competes a similar plant, which they call Native Coralberry (lest you think that it does not really belong here, they insist it is Native). Ironically, Coralberry is a cultivated plant that originated in India, and is documented in more than one place as having been imported and sown into the understory as a shade berry plant because Bush Honeysuckle was NOT PREVALENT ENOUGH! They’ll tell you Bush Honeysuckle is a nuisance, and too aggressive in one breath, and the next they’ll list the advantages of Coralberry and tell you it competes very well and holds it’s own against Bush Honeysuckle.

Key identifiers for Bush Honeysuckle:

Bipinionate leaf structure.

Umbrel shaped growth habit, with branches and leaves that stay fairly orderly and form a canopy on top. Clusters of trunks, up to about 2″ in diameter, growing from a clump, arching up to form the umbrel.

Bright red berries, a little smaller than 1/4″, with a slightly transparent and very glossy skin. Very round, not elongated. NOT on a drupe, short stem.

Berries grow in clusters of 2-4 berries, rarely more, and not heavy like Possumhaw or Yaupon.

Berries grow on TOP of the branch, and at the leaf axils. Berries are very visible because they are dotted on top of the branch, in small clusters.

Leaf is not heavy like holly, and not quite as soft as willow, more like Elm in flexibility. Somewhat rough in feel. Long and tapered (similar overall shape to chokecherry except the point), with a longish curved point at the end. This is a distinctive identifier for it.

The very same things they say are a PROBLEM with Bush Honeysuckle are ALSO TRUE of Coralberry, EXCEPT that NEITHER ONE chokes anything else out, nor shades anything else out, they are JUST LIKE Salt Cedar, they just grow where NOTHING ELSE likes to grow! How could they shade anything else out? They GROW IN DEEP SHADE.

We find in side by side studies, that Coralberry is actually a MORE aggressive spreader than Bush Honeysuckle.

This is just one example of stupidity in this arena.

Salt Cedar is another example, it is not damaging, it does NOT leave salt on the ground, it just grows on alkali banks where nothing else grows, and is of great benefit. The salt leaches UP from inside the soil, and does so whether Salt Cedar is present or not. It anchors the soil along rivers and creeks, preventing erosion. It grows on waterways that have BEEN CHANGED, by man, or by nature, and SLOWS the change, or helps COMPENSATE for the change. It is also NOT invasive, it is NOT a non-native plant, it has been in the Americas since before Leif Erikson (documented by him as that sweet smelling tree we all hate – it has no usable lumber unless very large, and then it is such beautiful lumber they all want it to be bigger, so they hate the tree for being so small that it is not more useful). He said it was plentiful upon all the dry riverbanks.

Native Americans, and people across the world (it is present in dryer climates worldwide), call it Tamarisk, and it is beautiful, having a soft smudgy or misty appearance in pink, yellow, green or white, and a lovely perfume that IS harvested commercially. It fills the air with a sweet aroma in the early summer months. It is beautiful and smells beautiful, it helps the environment and grows where nothing else grows, and someone wants to kill it and leave your creek banks barren, white, and ugly, and no sweet perfume ever.

Kudzu has always been there. Purple loosestrife has always been in the US. Bohemian Vine is native to areas where it is not listed as a threat, and it is kind of pernicious. Canadian Thistle seems to have originated on the last flush somewhere in Kentucky about 800 years ago during a drought when nothing else grew well (natives processed and ate the small buds they were so desperate). Scotch Thistle was named as this by Tennessee Crackers, who had ancestory in Scotland, and named it for the thistle they were familiar with in Scotland. But they most assuredly did NOT bring it here.

Now, there is also some misunderstanding regarding terms.

Noxious means TOXIC. Poisonous. It CANNOT be used interchangeably with any other of the words. MOST plants being vilified (we are not talking about poison ivy), are in fact NOT poisonous, and some are edible (morning glory vine tips are a really great treat cooked with butter and a dash of garlic).

Invasive is supposed to mean non-native to the area, but we can’t find a SINGLE “invasive” plant that is not actually native to the region it is problematic within. They have degraded it to just mean aggressive. It does not mean that it is not good for cattle or other livestock. Often it is GREAT food for them, and they love it, but since you cannot buy it from Purina, someone hates it, and wants you to buy herbicide to kill it so you have to buy your animal feed as well.

Aggressive means it grows more than you want it to. This applies to ALL KINDS of plants, including apple trees (they sucker), prune trees (they sucker), grape vines (they go everywhere), sunflowers (they seed everywhere, some spread by bulb), some kinds of daisies, and many other flowers and weeds that spread by root, or seed. This includes thistles and burrs, which we never like and we often DO have to fight. But this is ALL the great animal feed. It HAS to be aggressive, because animals LOVE it, and just EAT IT TO THE GROUND if it is not a FAST grower, and plentiful spreader. We WANT these if we have livestock to feed.

Nuisance just means it is WHERE you do not want it. It is a weed, because you do not want it where it grows.

County Weed Control wants EVERYTHING to be classed as invasive, because then they get to spray YOUR pastures and lawns, whether you want them to or not. Actually, it is a CRIME for them to do so, there is no LAW (only regulation which is NOT LAW) to force you to stop growing a thing they do not want you to grow. There IS law that prevents ANYONE, including government, from vandalizing your property. They are all about keeping their jobs, growing their own department and budgets, and increasing their power over YOU and your land.

Geez I hate having to talk about this stuff. Gets into ugly areas of corruption.

Use your brain. Think about what they are saying. Most of it does not make sense. Don’t let them persuade you that a thing is a problem if it does a thing and they hate it, but the same thing is an asset to a thing they like. Common Sense does not work that way.