I Want a Refund Because I’m an Idiot

We sell several pieces of software. We have an “It’ll Work” guarantee. In other words, if we can’t get it working for the customer, we’ll refund. We don’t refund in other circumstances – because software is copiable. Sadly, there ARE unscrupulous people who will download software, demand a refund, then use or distribute it (we’ve encountered them, and found them to be some of the nastiest people we have ever met). So in order to get a refund, we have to have tried, and failed, to get it working for the customer.

We don’t give refunds if the client says they tried and won’t let us try. User error is too high. We don’t give refunds if someone says, “I thought it did THIS” when our published documentation clearly states that it does not. And we don’t give refunds for terminal stupidity either. I know, that is harsh. I think I’m in a harsh mood today.

Two weeks ago, a client bought an auto-installer from us. He was hollering to us within minutes that it did not work, and that we did not give him instructions. Now, please note, that the software comes with a QuickStart Guide. 17 pages of instructions on how to set it up and use the software.

To set up the software, you have to do several things:

1. Create a sample install, and bundle the files to load into the installer.

2. Change the filenames in the installer config files, to match the names of your site files. (There are TWO names you have to change in several places, that is all).

3. Name the folder the same name as the Product ID in the shopping cart, and put the config and site files into it.

4. Upload that to a specific spot on the server.

He was crying about not having instructions, so I simplified the instructions in the manual, heavily shortening them for the support ticket response. He then asked me why those instructions were not in the manual (they were, and they were clearer there).

He made it clear that he HAD downloaded the QuickStart Manual, but that to him, it was deficient in some way, while my less helpful support ticket instructions were somehow superior to it (it was clear he simply did not want to read it).

He then said it was still not working. I looked. NOTHING had been done. He had unzipped our software, loaded it to the server, and wondered why nothing was working! He hadn’t set up a THING.

I gave him more instructions. He complained again. But got a little further. Several more complaints later, I finally went in and finished the job, performed a successful install, and sent him the URL for the install. Mind you, all that was wrong in the first place is that he didn’t follow instructions, and never finished the setup.

He replied a few minutes later that he had found the reason why it wasn’t working, and was making changes. He then blitzed my fix, and deleted all traces that a successful install had ever occurred. But I didn’t know this until he began hollering at me again two weeks later, demanding a refund.

The software worked on his system. What didn’t work, was the customer. I’m not sure if he could not read, was too lazy to read, or simply wanted to try to bully someone else into doing the work for him. I don’t think he has enough technical smarts to be successful at what he wants to do, because he doesn’t seem to have a grasp on structures and processes that he needs to have.

Anyway, I explained that it had been working.

He said that since he had not seen it, obviously it had never worked.

I told him I’d set it up again.

He told me he wanted a refund. Refused to even answer about the offer to fix it.

I told him his situation did not warrant a refund, but if he provided the install files for the site he wanted installed, I’d set it up for him again.

He then began threatening, in no less than three emails. He’d report me to the BBB (that’s a joke, so no threat there), he’d tell everybody how horrid I am, unless I gave him a refund or the upgrade to the version that is 3 times the cost of the one he paid for, and the “full manual”.

My response was to ask him why he did not want me to fix it, that I could have it fixed within half an hour.

I also informed him that if he did choose to blacken my name, I’d remove any sensitive info from the support emails, and make those public, so anyone who wondered whether he was telling the truth or not could judge for themselves. (Anyone who saw his frank stupidity would know that we had honored our agreement fully.)

I added that the Technical Manual had NOTHING in it that pertained to the version he had bought, it only had info for the Full version, and that the Full version would do him no good since it worked the same was as the less expensive version, which he had been unable to figure out.  I finished by telling him I refused to be blackmailed by threats into issuing a refund against our policies, or into giving him a free copy of our expensive software.

His next response was by email – apparently in an attempt to avoid saying anything else on the support ticket that I could make public! He demanded that I fix it today or give him a refund. I informed him that he’d have to send me the files (which I’d already told him three times previously). Not sure what his response to that will be.

There are those who say, “just give the refund”. But when someone starts trying to blackmail me, and when they are clearly NOT entitled to a refund according to our terms, I don’t feel it is wise to give in. We created our terms very thoughtfully, and for sound reasons. Those reasons are to protect one of the pillars of our business from theft and fraud, and are as important as avoiding a dissatisfied customer.

I have given free upgrades to dissatisfied customers who were having problems we could not immediately solve when the less expensive version was new and all the bugs had not been worked out. But this time I knew it worked. I knew there was no problem with the software, and this guy was not being honest, or even rational. He gave me every reason to believe that he was in fact, just trying to scam me. So a refund is not an option.

If he does send the files, I will be documenting every step with screenshots, and with witnesses. And he will be informed that if I have to fix it again, I will charge him for it.

I hate dealing with unpleasant customers. But I am WAY beyond the point of feeling like I have to grovel and MAKE them satisfied, because frankly, it is impossible to do that with many people. Instead, we have written good, and very fair policies, and we stick to them. When people get unpleasant and expect to be an exception, we stick to the policies anyway. They have a purpose, and if we let people bully us into making unwarranted exceptions, we aren’t helping them, or ourselves any at all.

UPDATE: Client did not provide the files necessary to set up his installer. So I duplicated one of my own installers for another system (he wanted ZenCart, I used Joomla), put that into his hosting, and the installer again works perfectly. I documented with screenshots, so I can prove that it does indeed work.